Remember to Check In

Hey everyone, it has been a minute. Although I have spent a long time away, I have been itching to come back and connect with you all. So, here I am.

Little by little I plan to share some insight into what has been going on these last few months, however, today I wanted to start out by talking about a topic that is close to my heart- taking care of you.

In the middle of my graduation season, I remember scrolling through Instagram and running across a reel of yet another tragedy.

Pause…

For those who are sensitive to this kind of information allow me to introduce a trigger warning here. If you are not in a place to engage in a topic that discusses death and suicide, know that you are seen and respected. Please feel free to connect with me with my other posts.

Continue…

I was scrolling through Instagram, and I ran into another tragedy. A beautiful black resident was being mourned following an unexpected suicide. As I read through the highlights of her journey as an advocate for residents, my heart became heavy with an all too familiar feeling- sadness. A deep sadness knowing the realities of the journey of becoming a physician and how one too many found a permanent escape from the ever-increasing burden.

I didn’t know her personally nor have I ever met her in person, but when I saw her image and read each post, it was heartbreaking how easy it was to connect with her story.

Throughout my last 7-8 years of training, I remember moments where I felt very overwhelmed. I questioned whether I was even doing the right thing and lost count of how often I dreamed of quitting to start a whole different path.

While I am grateful beyond what words can describe for the privilege of caring for human life, it is also very important for me to share that the journey was wrought with frustrations and persistent competition along a path full of uphill challenges.

What helped me? Having a supportive community around me. Having people who would check on me and make sure I was okay. People who offered to pray for me, send me care packages, encourage me, listen to me vent (at least a thousand times), and reminded me of who I really was (and am).

I also had to understand the need to prioritize caring for myself. This including setting boundaries for work, taking time to rest AND sleep (there is a difference), and learning to be okay with setting goals and expectations in line with my core values rather that trying to meet the unrealistic standards of others. I learned the power of and how to use the word “no” while learning the full implications of my yes. I made a choice in how the practice of medicine would look like for me and gradually let go of the toxicity of comparison and competition.

I am still in work in progress, but I share all this to support an encourage every single one of you going through the journey of becoming a physician that you are not alone. Find what it is you need to feel grounded, centered, and whole. The culture and practice of medical school, residency, fellowship, and the overall practice of medicine itself definitely needs to change- from how trainees and residents are treated to income and increasing red tape/burden from non-medically trained professionals in positions of leadership- and while some of us I pioneering and advocating for those changes please remember to take care of you.

For those who are the family, friends, and/or loved ones of someone going through the journey of becoming a physician check on that person. Does not matter how long it has been nor does not matter whether you can relate to that experience- send a text or a card, have a phone call, send a gift, offer to help with household responsibilities, offer and provide financial support, offer words of encouragement, or anything that comes to mind. I can assure you that no well-intended effort of support, love, and encouragement will go unrewarded, and it will mean more than you could ever know.

My thoughts and prayers to families who have endured the loss of a loved one along this journey. My heart is heavy that such a pain is even reality in a world designed to care for life, not take it. My hope is that stories such as these no longer exist; that the training and practice of medicine transforms in a way to care for providers and for all people receiving and in need of holistic medical care.