All or Nothing

I was in undergrad- depressed, dysregulated, accruing debt…alone. I stood in the mirror staring at my body feeling heavy- a weight on me that I no longer wanted to carry- and it was in that moment I made a decision. Out of that dark space, decided I wanted something different.

At the time, I believed my intention was just to lose weight. However, with each failed diet, failed commitment in consistent workouts, dollar spent for various programs that never offered permanent results, and staunch stance on “new year, new me” every January 1st I soon learned what I really needed.

It was time to work on me- in all aspects and in all ways. It was time to stop focusing on all the symptoms and work on the actual problem. True, I needed to learn how to make healthy changes to my diet and in how I exercised, but I also needed to re-build from the ground up.

I needed to have the hard conversations, go to therapy, pray, fast, feel, rest….re-discover me.

I would say that I wish the road was easy, but looking back I appreciate the fact that it was not. It wasn’t smooth, it wasn’t linear, it wasn’t predictable…it definitely wasn’t all or nothing.

I learned to heal, grow, and be inspired to live life abundantly by taking one step at a time. I fell and learned how to get back up. I cried and smiled. I gave up and kept pushing. There was never a perfect season and there was never a day I got it all right. Still, I kept showing up and I am grateful for the progress I have made thus far.

Sometimes, during one season, during one year, during one month, during one week, or even during one day we will encounter great moments and glaringly imperfect ones. It’s a part of the process, yet if you choose to continue with that intent to do better- reach those goals, break generational curses, graduate, heal from trauma, and so much more- then you will eventually get there…one step at a time.

Remember, great things we have accomplished in life rarely come from one single life changing task or event. Growth happens much more often when we choose to consistently do a collection of intentional small actions over time.

You didn’t make time to work out today? Okay, hold yourself accountable and set the intention to make time to go tomorrow. You weren’t able to meal prep yesterday? Okay, it happens. Maybe consider alternatives to help keep you on track- perhaps a meal service? You were triggered by someone who hurt you in the past after years when you thought you had moved past if? Offer yourself grace and compassion; maybe talk it over with a friend. Feeling overwhelmed or depressed? It happens and doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or that you need to get over it for the convenience of other people. Perhaps, this is your invitation to seek out some support from those in your trusted inner circle and/or a therapist to start committing to taking care of you.

Whether your goal is to be mindful of what you eat or start having a healthier understanding of the amazing person you are, remember it does not have to feel or be based on an “all or nothing” mentality. You had the courage to hope for something better in your life, whatever that may be, so don’t lose hope now simply because you aren’t perfect. Take the first step, get back up again, roll out of bed one more time, take a deep breath, or maybe just reset; acknowledge where you are now, appreciate how far you have come, lean on your community for support, trust God, and let every intentional action thereafter build on that goal/dream/heart’s desire you are optimistically hoping for- learning to love the journey rather than focusing on the destination.